Well,
Even though I'm spending my days processing a mountain of made-to-order requests,
I thought I'd quickly write a diary entry.
A colleague who works at a hospital told me a story about how
she's been struggling a lot to train a new hire,
and on her bike ride home,
various interactions flashed back to her,
making her angry all over again.
She shared that episode with me.
Among the interactions that come to mind,
the ones that cause the most stress
are usually related to people.
No matter how many tasks there are and how busy I am,
no matter how little time I have and how close the deadline is,
I just have to do it.
But amidst all that, if unpleasant things happen in human relationships,
it creates a greater mental burden
than just the stress of being busy.
My colleague I just mentioned
said things like, "I told them already, but they asked the same thing again!"
and
"Why did I say it that way?"
She recalls various things, gets angry,
and falls into self-loathing.
I understand.
I also have those moments.
Here's something I usually keep in mind:
Taking the following thought process as an example:
① Someone asked me the same thing again.
In response to ①:
② I got annoyed and said, "I told you already, didn't I?"
In response to ②:
③ I thought I was immature for acting that way.
I think it's okay up to point ②, where you get annoyed about being asked the same thing.
I try to stop thinking firmly there.
I think the problem is regretting that you couldn't react or behave nicely after ②.
No, no, without that,
people wouldn't grow,
is what one might think.
But simply, "I got annoyed."
Just acknowledge the fact and stop there.
If you then self-loathe for getting annoyed,
and furthermore,
repeatedly get caught in that negative spiral, thinking,
"No, no, the other person is at fault for making me say it so many times,"
I think that's unproductive.
If I were to reflect, giving it my best shot,
instead of becoming pessimistic,
I'd think, "I'll try saying it in a different way,"
or "I'll just give up."
These are two extremes, but it's better to either be positive or cut your losses.
With friends, children, parents, partners –
although the people are different,
there are many such situations in daily life.
Sometimes, we get a little carried away reflecting (or pretending to reflect) on "my small-mindedness"
or "saying something inconsiderate."
When I feel somewhat uneasy,
I just got angry.
I was just sad.
I was just frustrated.
That's all it needs to be,
but if I start reflecting on myself for thinking such things,
it gets complicated and my mind becomes disturbed.
Well, it's a kind of game.
When I listen to the worries of young people who casually come to me for advice,
I think to myself (sorry), "This is 'the complaining game.'"
But I also fall into it myself sometimes.
If you keep daily growth in mind,
it's certainly good if you can reflect on what happened,
put it into practice,
and then check it again.
But you can't change anyone but yourself.
So, it's very good to reflect on your own reactions and attitudes in a positive way,
but I think if you do it too much, you'll burn out.
As I wrote in a previous diary entry,
if you make a mistake,
whether it's to someone else or yourself,
if you get into the habit of apologizing and correcting it immediately,
you'll realize that you are not a perfect person.
You don't have to blame yourself too much
for not handling things skillfully.
Perhaps if you blame yourself there,
you'll become someone who blames others and those around you.
In a previous diary entry, I also wrote
to reflect on yourself instead of blaming others, and I intend to maintain that attitude,
but if you overdo it and it gets complicated,
it becomes troublesome.
And I think that complicatedness
has a negative impact elsewhere.
There are times when you start something with passion,
but then you overthink it, and from an objective standpoint,
it seems ridiculous,
or you feel uneasy about the future,
and you might think you don't really want to do it.
When you look at it from various angles,
there are times when you don't know what's right, aren't there?
At that point, it's better to stop thinking.
If you start talking about what's "right," it's getting complicated.
Even if you keep thinking about it, it's just going in circles.
And at such times,
you're almost always tired.
It's better for everyone
to take a long bath
and go to bed early.
Do it because you want to.
Don't do it because you don't want to. That's the best approach.
Also, one more thing
I pay attention to.
When I'm talking about something,
I try not to say the part, "It's fine, but I think XX about OO is strange."
That "it's fine, but" part
sounds a bit unseemly when you hear it from the sidelines.
I think people say it so that what they're about to say
doesn't sound overly critical
or make them seem like someone with strong opinions,
or as a way out when an opposing opinion arises.
But you're saying it "because it's NOT fine."
If it really were fine, you wouldn't bother saying it, would you?
I think it would be good if we could also pay attention to such things,
and consider whether the listener will feel comfortable,
and if we, the speakers, have the necessary resolve to say what we're about to say.
Here too, it's simply
less complicated to say, "I think XX about OO is strange."
The past two or three days,
while dyeing the custom-ordered colors,
I made several mistakes
even though I was using the same method.
I kept wondering why, circling around it.
I thought about whether the dye was bad,
or the yarn was bad,
or the equipment was faulty.
Since it was a waste of time to think about causes other than myself,
I immediately revised the re-dyeing process.
And today, I didn't make any mistakes.
I might still make mistakes again, but
I feel like I was able to resolve it with a good step,
so I tried writing today's article.
It's wonderful to always live with conviction.
It's also wonderful to sometimes rest that conviction
and simply accept the facts.
That's what I wanted to convey.
Today, it suddenly got cold in Tokyo too.
Please stay warm, everyone.